Seattle Weekly:
There are manly pizza toppings and girly pizza toppings… But Flying Squirrel Pizza must be bisexual, because they go both ways.
The Secret Squirrel ($8) is called “secret” because it’s secretly gay, like a Republican Congressman. It’s basically a shrimp pizza with pesto sauce. Six huge-ass prawns, juicy and perfectly cooked, lounge on a small pizza crust, painted with a high-gloss coating of vivid green pesto, and a sprinkling of microplaned parmesan. But what makes this pizza secretly gay? As everyone knows, shrimp are a manly topping because they are beloved everywhere by all people–which makes shrimp a very populist topping. And populists are manly like Teddy Roosevelt, who is so tough he once punched a grizzly bear in the nuts so hard he killed it. But all the shrimp in the world can’t change the fact that pesto is the Liberace of pizza toppings. The Secret Squirrel is thus somehow simultaneously manly and gay: Rob Halford, in pizza form!
A small Caesar Salad ($6) sucked because they diced the romaine smaller than necessary. Seriously, you could’ve put that salad on top of a taco. A very noncommittal dressing was smooth in texture, but lacking in either garlic or anchovy flavor. At least the croutons were crunchy and flavorful. Is a Caesar Salad girly? It’s got “Caesar” in it, with all the connotations of victory and assassinations and other manly pursuits which that name implies, but I don’t think I have to tell you that salads are for chicks.
The #1 was a plain cheese pizza. It was $14, which is maybe too much for a cheese, but it was a pretty damn big pie. The crust was bubbly and chewy, puffy around the edges but very thin underneath the toppings. The sauce was a perfect balance of sweet and tangy, and the mozzarella was of a higher quality than the white melted caulking that places like Pizza Hut put on their pizzas. Everyone knows that cheese pizzas are the stem cells of pizza, the foundation of other, more advanced pizzas. As such, the #1 was neither male nor female. Like Michael Cera, it’s just a fetus, and its sex is too early to tell. Read more.
Flying Squirrel Pizza – located at 4920 S. Genesee St. in Columbia City – was voted Best Pizza in your RVP’s 2009 Best of Southeast Seattle Reader’s Choice Poll. Photo/do communications
Who to know, where to eat & what to do in one of America’s most diverse zip codes!
{ 9 comments }
You sh^%h#&d, we love flying squirrel pizza and now I’m never going to be able to eat there again without flashing back to this nauseating review. I stopped reading after the second paragraph, but didn’t manage to look away before I happened to notice the word fetus. Ugh!
My daughter officially hates you, whoever you are.
The “Strawberry alarm” was an interesting pie (and very good) The”Figure 8″ is another one that sounded different so I tried it and it was money, everything I’ve had there has been good. You can get you a pint of Molly Moon’s ice cream on the way out too.
“The Secret Squirrel is thus somehow simultaneously manly and gay: Rob Halford, in pizza form!”
And you can be his K.K. Downing
Dumb food reviews like these can make or break a small business.
Not sure if this was someone trying to be funny? But I don’t find dated stereotypes funny. This is rude, stupid journalism. Obviously the “journalist” has some kind of personal issue.
Not sure why it was re-posted here?
As obnoxious as it is, I thought it was a positive review for the pizza!
“Dumb food reviews like these can make or break a small business.”
They have such a following already that they will be just fine.
I’ve seen once or twice where they actually ran out of dough because they sold so many pizzas. I believe the owner is looking into opening another spot also.
Stupid, stupid review. I’ve never eaten there and on the strength of this lousy, inane, sophomoric, trying-too-hard-too-be-cool review, I will never eat there. So there!!!!
@ellen
You are missing out.
It wasn’t the owner that wrote the review.
@ellen
What? As Mark says, it’s not like Flying Squirrel hires people to write reviews. If you haven’t read the Surly Gourmand’s reviews before, you may not see that that is pretty much his (or her) ‘style.’
The full review has a lot more to it, but that is how SG does it. Brash, ‘colorful,’ not-politically-correct-nor-family-friendly metaphors. Restaurant reviews as entertainment.
But really, I think Flying Squirrel has garnered enough local ‘endorsement’ that the review is probably not necessary to persuade you whether to go or not.
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