Last month, I learned that my husband of ten years had not paid the mortgage on our family home in an entire year.
Had he been ill? Unemployed? Disabled?
None of the above.
Baby Daddy makes $80k/year at a swanky corporate job, drives a phat F-250 and has a weakness for premium cable – among other things.
He’s also (prepare for massive understatement) fiscally challenged. I’ve known this for several years, it’s a big reason he finally had to hit the door, so I shouldn’t be surprised that he’s having a tough time providing $1,000/month to keep the lights on and the kids fed.
I feel you, BD. It must be tough paying Baby Mama to stay away from you, but it’s time to take it like a man and admit that you’re hurting your kids more than your ex by withholding child support payments and backing her into a financial corner.
Because children who grow up in poverty fare significantly worse than their more economically secure counterparts on nearly every indicator of child well-being. And the effects of child poverty go beyond the individual child. Estimates suggest that the U.S. economy loses $500 billion each year due to the costs associated with child poverty.
And in our state, 34 percent of families headed by single women and 15 percent of families headed by single men live in poverty, compared to just five percent of married couples. Single mothers with very young children are the most at risk. Forty-two percent of single mothers with children under five are living below the poverty line.
In our own community there are nearly twice as many families headed by single parents than in the rest of Seattle, and more than 40% of Rainier Valley children live in poverty.
According to Nelson Mandela, overcoming poverty is not a gesture of charity. It is an act of justice. It is the protection of a fundamental human right, the right to dignity and a decent life.
So pay up, “Daddy”.
While she once considered divorce a failure, South-End Single Mom now realizes that freedom is only possible with the release of dead weight. Her column is a hat tip to the more than 20% of Rainier Valley households that are headed by single parents (nearly double the rate of single parent families throughout Seattle) in one of the poorest communities in King County. Email her with your south-end tales of single-parenting victories, disasters and everything in between.
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Damn, How do you really feel? So sorry to hear about your situation and wish you all the best. I grew up not knowing my biological father and had a stepfather that is probably one of the worlds biggest A$$holes but I know it would have been hard on my mother to try to raise us on her own. Keep your head up.
Thanks so much, Mark B. We will prevail, and I will give my babies a good home no matter what! Especially if someone can help me get that song as my ringtone…
What song?
It’s very liberating when you take care of your own house. Hanging your head under the weight of others’ inadequacies and failures is no way to go through life. Anyway, if you know he makes $80k plus, is there a reason why his wages aren’t being garnished?
Here’s a question: Why is this in the RVP? Does it pertain to our neighborhood or community somehow?
@Mark B: 2Pac – Keep Ya Head Up
@Graham St: It certainly is liberating taking care of your own house! With regard to wage garnishment, it’s in progress – the wheels of justice move slowly. I’ll let the editor answer your last question. Thanks for reading!
Sorry, should have mentioned that this new column is a hat tip to the more than 20% of Rainier Valley households that are headed by single parents (nearly double the rate of single parent families throughout Seattle—12.31%) in one of the poorest communities in Seattle and King County.
Thanks for keeping me on my toes, Graham St. You’re always good for that!
I have that, I’ll try to figure out a way to do it and contact the edtor.
@Ed – And here I thought I was just being an asshole. I guess they aren’t mutually exclusive.
Did single mom ever take this case to family court for non-payment of child support? The judge or commissioner would have been effective in this case. A payment schedule would be enforced or garnishment of wages. Luckily, in SE Seattle there are plenty of social services available to help single parent households. It is what it is, we all deal with our cards in life. Some just do it better than others
The editor should have a “Pay up Bitch” shirt made.
Wage garishment only comes from filing with the state -Office Of Support Enforcement- Most people, men or women who should pay child support but don’t have money sooooo under the table that the children will never see any of it. AND if the money is there but hidden then OSE in the height of stupiditiy either takes the licenses people need to live or puts the non payer into jail. Now how can anyone without a license (business, drivers, etc) or with a conviction on record earn any money. SOOOOO people owed child support have a really hard time. OSE or nothin’ It is not okay. Hello, it is reality.
“So Pay up, b*tch” — contains so much hatred and hostility. South-End Single Mom should lighten up. There are strong, single moms everywhere raising outstanding children. Plenty of single moms who work and go to school at night. And single moms who have lost their baby daddys in the Iraq war and struggle daily but manage to raise their children alone. It ain’t all about money. There’s a saying, if you have hands and feet you too, can work for a living and raise a healthy family. You can’t starve to death in Rainier Valley, there’s a food bank around the corner, DSHS, Section8 housing, subsidized child care etc. Call yourself lucky, seriously. You want to see real poverty? See Haiti and the slums of India.
well written!!
@2cents: Thanks! A list of all the SE social services available to help single parent households is a great idea for a future SESM column. Any specific suggestions?
@Mark B: Great idea! The shirt can be addressed to SSDD (South Seattle Deadbeat Dad). What say you, Ed?
@Bien: LOL! Spoken like a true Deadbeat Dad!
@50cent: Interesting comments considering your latest hit: “Have a baby by me; baby. Be a millionaire.” Seriously though, I think YOU need to lighten up. I didn’t say money was everything, but it is an important part of being able to raise children in a safe and healthy environment. In what world do you live in that there are no hungry families in the RV? Get real. Your “logic” makes no sense.
@mimi: Thanks!
It’s a good thing that you decided to edit your writing by changing “Pay Up, b*tch” to “Pay Up, Daddy.”
My logic is simple:
1. Don’t rely on deadbeat dads.
2. Look for a job, job training or attend school to get a better job.
3. Single moms can raise upstanding children.
4. Food banks that your neighbors contribute to with monetary donations are available . WIC available for low income children. Vouchers for milk and diapers. Free lunch at school. No one starves to death around here. Sadly, 60 percent of those adults (excluding seniors or children) relying on food banks are also overweight and obese.
5. Lastly, THINK before you have children. You may be a grown adult, but the teenage pregnancy rate is lower nationwide, thanks to family planning education.
6. Don’t blame others for your plight. Rainier Valley is no worse off than Tacoma.
7. Wellspring Family Services is a wealth of resources for low income families.
You see what I’m sayin’? Good luck to you.
@50cent
You should have traded places with #5 and #7
“Lastly” should be the last one.
@Mark B. yep, #6 and #7 were just “afterthoughts”.
@50cent, What are you talking about are you saying you could raise two kids in the Southend going to Hawthorne, Aki, and Beach or Cleveland and working a full time job and going to school at night and you will raise well adjusted kids by spending no time with them? Just get free lunch and all problems are solved huh? Don’t be stupid, if it were that easy to raise kids you could catch the bus on Henderson safely, you can’t so it isn’t. I don’t know the lady but I am not so ignorant to think I could live another person’s life better than they can. I know you couldn’t do what I do in a day. What part of Tacoma oh the worst parts are you saying poor people will be better off moving to other poor neighborhoods or are you trying to internet bang Tacoma on us if thats the case you are a coward because non cowards bang on Rainier. Housing prices just went back down in Bootstrap Bellevue you can go home now or maybe you should have worked harder got a better job and been able to afford to live in Bellevue.
@tracy: don’t flatter yourself. Your comments were deleted bc they violated our longstanding policy requiring participants to be civil & communicate w/their neighbors w/out being hateful & insulting.
You are right that you struck a nerve – my last nerve – which is people who contribute nothing but criticism yet think they nonetheless have a right to be heard in this space.
If this space is owned by anyone, it’s the contributors who volunteer their time, energy & truth w/their neighbors, not the anonymous cowards who lack the skills to debate an issue w/out being a d*ck.
But I am glad you raised the issue, bc when I talk to people on the street about the RVP, the biggest complaint I hear is the one about the vitriolic, @$$hole commenters who make normal civil people feel like they can’t join the conversation.
The RVP was created for them, not you. Learn how to participate in a civil debate & we welcome you back.
Sincerely,
Amber Campbell, Editor
@bien: that goes for you, too. I’ve had it w/your BS.
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